.

Razer Destructor Mat

2011-09-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

Razer Destructor Mat. My very first Razer Product purchase, I say they do live up to their name, the best. Didn't regret buying it, worth every penny. Nice. Razer rules.

2011-09-01T15:28:00.001-07:00

A gentle sound of your voice, sweet and simple. Everything was in bliss, I can feel my lips became numb as I speak, excited and happy to share our past and exchange opinions about life, the hardship you felt and bitterness you hold in your heart.

My broken road I took before and finding myself, I may never know the pain and suffering you’ve been, I can’t justify those mistakes from the past with you because I know it was wrong from the very moment it started.

I admired your will to stand and face pain. Life’s a gift you embrace realizing that life can be struggle overtime, it may not be perfect but we still have the chance and opportunity to make it close to perfection, ambitions it may. I’d like to show you a care that you must also have, I want to show you everything you’ve dreamed of and be there side by side to help you everything, and share that life is beautiful. These days are not complete without hearing your voice and for once I can feel you’re next to me.

SnS

2011-07-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

Small and Simple. Wishing our life was so simple, like a speck blown by the wind and fly free from everything the world can offer. Even a speck can travel millions of miles to reach a place where it could rest and bloom like everyone. A place, a paradise in its own will. Unscathed of human hands and intervention. We dream of the day living out of free will, away from the eyes of judgement telling who should be, and dictate us where to go.

Sinned

2011-07-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

In a minute as time goes by you have cleansed my hands to forget the past.

Even though it has been forgotten but not myself.

I still remember the night was filled with stars.

As I look up and pray for forgiveness, everything seems to fade in darkness.

Composure

2010-08-26T13:59:00.000-07:00

Though everything won't ever be the same again. I felt a small contentment in this little and temporary life. My smile limits me to feel the sadness and depression as if it was left behind or forgotten in just a short period of time. Life change for better or worse than others see. I myself lost the only light in my world, the sun that wakes me up everyday. Fallen, like the dark swallowed my heart the silence echoes in my sleep. The missing piece that show weakness, opened and again left opened. The pain inside remembering the memories and faces, I wanted to skip the days just for one day. Forgetting all you left for me was the very same thing that eats me alive. These nights was very cruel on me. Confused and dazed, a song played endlessly, the beat reminds the days your alive and well. I want to keep it that way. End the suffering and hate.

darky night (writings)

2009-04-18T01:34:00.000-07:00

This night, it started with a question. Am I that less fortunate? Over and over I can see the flashback, a place where I was before. Same old songs, as fear stab my heart in this very night. I wander in dreams flying with the stars bright as your eyes. What if I’ve chosen a different perspective in life, will I be able to reach the heavens and touched the clouds just as the story would always play when I was young? Maybe not, we all have our share of good and bad days. It may not fall in our ways, yet willingly we search for that something. It may be someone or something besides you. We wait until days would turn grey, darkens heavens fall I wanted to cry or even shout for the skies to feel the pain inside of me. I kept seeing myself drenched and drowned in a pond of mud. Useless self existence, I feel helpless. Here I am again in this same old page. The world was never meant for my kind, life’s not equal. There would always be pain and anger that feed me to become numb, to see that everything that surrounds us would be the ones to hurt us. After all life’s not a fair game. But I remember you stared at me with your eyes closed. a.i.b

A New Beginning (writings)

2009-04-18T01:33:00.000-07:00

I’ll shed my tears on you forever and guided me with your gentle sweet voice. You’ve appeared at the right moment with uncertainties and doubts, though I fear the pain to comeback and haunt me again in my sleep. I must hug the pain to feel again, a choice that I’ve wanted to do ever since. I thank you for the gift of smile for that single day that we’ve been together. A single drop of dew is enough to fill the bottomless heart I carry. You’ve been the brightest star among the rest and the cold breeze you’ve brought freeze my heart even time stop to gaze the subtle heart yet forgiving. With so little time that I even ran out of words. But I enjoyed watching you with those sleepy eyes that it makes you a bit more interesting and knowing you much better. I’ll forever longed, embrace, and cherish that moment. Though this may be a bit too much I can’t blame myself to what I feel for you. It may take days, months and years; I’ll wait for that day to be seen and heard to what my hearts say. So I’ve push my life to live from seeing the moment though with less expectations of goodness it doesn’t matter anyway, I’ve already promised and the end.a.i.b

distance (writings)

2008-08-01T02:15:00.000-07:00

Unrest we've wasted too much time thinking non-sense explanation of our madness. The weaker we get, delusion of happiness, unconventional ways we become obsolete in our own failures, so expendable. Like Sacrificial lambs we fall and sink in this quicksand so fast. Dreams of selfishness, my desire, unwanted for this life was needed a heart to beat. The numbness as I sleep as dead, the absence felt so slow I fall forever from this dream. The chance to see the happiness I left behind. I wanted to scream, so loud it deafens for anyone to hear, seem silence was the ending I’ve been waiting, so fool to wait for nothing. It stops me from believing for good, but a gentle smile has once again sprouted. So sudden caught in the distance far more things to see, a hope to wait and believe.a.i.b

existing shadow (writings)

2008-07-02T22:41:00.000-07:00

If all fails in the end will I ever give my heart away? Up to these last dark days I wonder. A suicidal melodrama scene seated and watches how our story plays. A random injection of emotions as it circles every seconds and induce our heart of pain and sorrow. It’s all just for plain play of life to come and juggle the reasons, catching the right decision and letting go of the rest broken. It happens and its the end, forced ourselves to a blind reality which will never comfort or even soothes this pain. This may have been your dark days but even night hides away. Light never failed to shine upon us. They say shadow exist because light shine behind, a hope. As we get closer the pain fades away. a.i.b

her face (writings)

2008-06-26T23:51:00.000-07:00

I could almost hold her hands and wrap it around me. Sitting beside w/ her feels I’d never want to move away, every moment’s a limelight I had to enjoy overtime. The smile she wear blossom on the midnight sky, unexpectedly for she may not see me nor have her eyes. By just looking at her gentle face makes everything so perfect and never cared for tomorrow was the best there is to know. Pictures that remain inside my mind, such days were time stops for a moment I felt the joy to love every second I breathe. All I ever cared was to know everything that makes her so special, so pretty to be inspired by the face. To hide the idle eyes she see's the true meaning of her face, a touch from my hand was a feeling of sickness, coldness it give in I submit to temptation one more time. Eager heart fades away from the happiness she spread so quick, I thank you for the smile so hard you gave. a.i.b.

Reasons (writings)

2008-06-16T00:27:00.000-07:00

I live to see the things that worth waiting, sleepless night I sometimes ask myself, why can’t people be with those person whom they love so much and end up losing that someone? Every time I see her was a question of emotions and feelings. Destiny is not the bases of holding on to something, to wait and believe, controlled by these words it breaks other people dreams. It hurts to see them leave you in the open like a child expecting for someone to hold his/her hand tightly, a warm hand of care. Calling out his/her name as you remember the times you needed them the most, times that had left a mark in our hearts. But I miss the days I smile and laugh the faces that remind us that life can be a never ending puzzle that you try to build. Say to me some good words, enough to fool ourselves from reality. Life’s a dull word without pain and agony; pair with death then can only be called life in its purest state. There’s no reason to feel afraid for being alone, you’re not alone when you were born. Why torture these moments? Sun shine to resolve the fact that life moves and ends in a way we ever wanted. To control is a very unforgiving task, not bothered by emotions. These days was a blessing for I’ve found a simple yet fulfilling reason why we should stand and think twice to what we’ve missed. I didn’t see a glimpse of life outside other than her. The chance to speak and say that I’m feeling better now. a.i.b

Surreal Life (writings)

2008-04-09T21:36:00.000-07:00

I've been living in a world so unfair that it had taken a portion of happiness in my life. Even if they have been taken away and forgotten me I'm still hoping to fix everything to make those times comeback and be able return just like before. It pushes me to live longer to see and wait for that time to come. The reason why life's a continuing process, giving up can never be my slogan, I have to stand up. As I promised, I'll continue living to see them all succeed their dreams. It may not like the old times but I'll always be the one ready to help and say hold on to what's worth holding on. Hoping for reply, a hi of some sort. Silly and a fool I am to wait for something that’s never gonna happen. Though I expect these things, that look was too hard to give, a simple glance so impossible. Despite everything I'm still happy for what happen it taught me to cherish life at it's fullest and we can never dictate the possibilities alike. True happiness start with a small simple smile in our heart, realizing it can bring contentment inside and laughter outside. People come and go at their own will, whether we like it or not we have to endure the pain for our loved ones that have left us. All of this maybe foolish enough to call us martyr for endlessly hoping for a better result. a.i.b

Snowflakes Santa.....

2007-12-24T00:43:00.000-08:00

Took me 2 weeks to finally wrap up the finishing touches, done on the backside of a folder which I cut in half. I used Latex paints and chinese brush for this piece, another art charity, gift for someone special, divided into six which were made as cover for a pencil holder, luckily I made it just in time for christmas, about 3 am of the 25th. I never got enough sleep this days, if we're only given the power not to sleep. Merry Christmas everybody!!!!!!!!....still the six flakes of my life!..Xixi Ni...

A bit of fun at midnight

2007-12-22T15:00:00.000-08:00

Just fun for a boring night, started it around 10 pm I’m planning to ink my whole arm but that would be impossible for me. Making my own arm as canvas was a bit fun actually it’s not real tattoo, I use ordinary sign pen for sketching and black pen marker for fills, reasons I can’t afford to lose my day job and tattoos are not allowed here if you’re looking for a job. It’s a simple design spend about an hour and a half for sketching and visualizing, another hour for filling, decided to fade black effect as it goes down because it look nice by just making it all black like those typical tattoo. Finishing touches were made.....It’s been 2 years since I last made body art on my own. Unfortunately the camera I used for photo was a mere 2.0 mp, so had to adjust add some lighting for a clear image, as you can see. I end up sleeping at "around 3 am in the morning; 20mins editing the image was made.a.i.b

Imaginary girl

2007-12-11T18:25:00.000-08:00

Will I be okay? I think so, no time for drama. It made me think. Do I really need a girl to complete my day? I don’t intend on looking someone to replace her, but this person made me forget all the pain and sadness by just thinking of her, she made me smile again. I feel great whenever she crossed into my mind, remembering her smile, her face. What a pity for me to fall in love to such an innocent girl, without any idea that I had these feelings for her. Unconditional love, I don’t have the courage to tell her what I feel, I never wanted to break our friendship just for my personal satisfaction. What if she’ll hate me? Of any girl I know why does it have to be her? She makes my day happy, she gives me the reason to live again and continue my life, dream big. She brought back the happiness in me, the sensation of loving a person, the will to try again. I want to live longer, see her smile again. Even if she’s not around it’s enough for me to remember her face. I can only dream of her beside me, lying on my shoulder watching the stars together. I want to hold her in my arms, watching over her as she reaches her dreams with me. But I can’t, I’m not afraid to be hurt again, the fear of losing her yet again. It was an accident to fall for her and it’s a secret that I have to keep. A perfect time, we may never know when. Will I cross the wall that separates me from her? Will I risk everything for love? What if I’m too late say everything to her? I’m afraid to lose her to others by just thinking of it breaks my heart but that’s what I get of loving her. Just to make her happy. I may not have the riches but if given the chance I’ll make her the happiest girl. I’ll always be your shadow forever. I hope you can see me.

Loneliness

2007-11-24T02:29:00.000-08:00

December is coming in our doorsteps. We get to see Christmas lights filled our homes and surroundings. Gifts from our love ones the excitement of guessing what’s inside. To be with our family again, embraces that keeps us warmth in the coldness of night. Shares our blessing with one another, we smile and greet everyone a Merry Christmas, sing our favorite Christmas songs till the morning light comes out with our voices at high. I’ll be able to greet her, smile with one another laughing telling story of what a day it was. Just for one day I could hold her hands for once, held her cold hands. What better times to be with her in Christmas day. I supposed everyday is Christmas Day for me. I want to start my December full of hopes and happiness. End the year in high hopes.

wake up!

2007-11-22T02:18:00.000-08:00

One day I looked outside my window realizing that it’s still not the end of my life; there’s gotta be more to life, sometimes we lose and win. It hurts but pain can be heal in time maybe it would take years or two to forget; hey she’s not the only girl in this cursed world right? Someday I’ll find a girl that’s more deserving for me, one that respects our relationship. It’s not my loss it’s her loss; I lost her which only counts as one but in the end I gain something she doesn’t have, that’s love and respect. Can you feel the pain when she said that she didn’t love you anymore even how you put down yourself begging her to love you again, just one last chance but it doesn’t matter it’s like she didn’t even see you or know you at all. Imagine those years of being with each other and out of nowhere she decided to let go? Ouchhhhh…….that’s how love works boys and girls. Don’t lose hope there still more beautiful things in life you just have to look. Reason I can’t answer why? Does a red shiny car attracts her or maybe that I don’t have a job to give what she wants? I don’t want to judge too soon. I think love really moves in a mysterious way. The way I see it she’s just securing her future, being practical in life is not bad at all. We make sacrifices to achieve a dream, back in our childhood day we recite the alphabet it goes A B C D right? Not A B D for Christ sake. Gifts don’t measure our love it’s how we love the person so much, the willingness to do anything to make her/him happy. Past haunts me like a shadow of myself w/c keeps on following wherever I go, if only I could reboot my mind and delete any memory I have with her. Months of depression and low self esteem I woke saying this isn’t right at all, I’m very fortunate to have my friends beside me, my family and my second family that I cherished the most I never regret knowing this people. I just need to accept that I lost her in that way you eased the pain that keeps on swallowing me for days. Don’t let it eat your body and soul, don’t fight it, accept the truth. Truth hurts but truth release us from burden, pain, agony, and despair. Open yourself to those people who loved you they’re just right outside your doorsteps. Life’s not perfect at all we just have to hold on to our dreams, our dreams works as fuel in our life its what keeps us going and going. In two days I managed to easily forget about her but not completely, I say that she’s just a ghost of my past. I learned the truth in a painful way it just happen too fast for me to see it with my naked eyes. But I can’t let her destroy dreams, every morning I smile thanking God for giving me the most precious gift, my life and continue loving every moment of it. Love can wait Just woke up to a terrible nightmare.