existing shadow (writings)

If all fails in the end will I ever give my heart away? Up to these last dark days I wonder. A suicidal melodrama scene seated and watches how our story plays. A random injection of emotions as it circles every seconds and induce our heart of pain and sorrow. It’s all just for plain play of life to come and juggle the reasons, catching the right decision and letting go of the rest broken. It happens and its the end, forced ourselves to a blind reality which will never comfort or even soothes this pain. This may have been your dark days but even night hides away. Light never failed to shine upon us. They say shadow exist because light shine behind, a hope. As we get closer the pain fades away. a.i.b

her face (writings)

I could almost hold her hands and wrap it around me. Sitting beside w/ her feels I’d never want to move away, every moment’s a limelight I had to enjoy overtime. The smile she wear blossom on the midnight sky, unexpectedly for she may not see me nor have her eyes. By just looking at her gentle face makes everything so perfect and never cared for tomorrow was the best there is to know. Pictures that remain inside my mind, such days were time stops for a moment I felt the joy to love every second I breathe. All I ever cared was to know everything that makes her so special, so pretty to be inspired by the face. To hide the idle eyes she see's the true meaning of her face, a touch from my hand was a feeling of sickness, coldness it give in I submit to temptation one more time. Eager heart fades away from the happiness she spread so quick, I thank you for the smile so hard you gave. a.i.b.

Reasons (writings)

I live to see the things that worth waiting, sleepless night I sometimes ask myself, why can’t people be with those person whom they love so much and end up losing that someone? Every time I see her was a question of emotions and feelings. Destiny is not the bases of holding on to something, to wait and believe, controlled by these words it breaks other people dreams. It hurts to see them leave you in the open like a child expecting for someone to hold his/her hand tightly, a warm hand of care. Calling out his/her name as you remember the times you needed them the most, times that had left a mark in our hearts. But I miss the days I smile and laugh the faces that remind us that life can be a never ending puzzle that you try to build. Say to me some good words, enough to fool ourselves from reality. Life’s a dull word without pain and agony; pair with death then can only be called life in its purest state. There’s no reason to feel afraid for being alone, you’re not alone when you were born. Why torture these moments? Sun shine to resolve the fact that life moves and ends in a way we ever wanted. To control is a very unforgiving task, not bothered by emotions. These days was a blessing for I’ve found a simple yet fulfilling reason why we should stand and think twice to what we’ve missed. I didn’t see a glimpse of life outside other than her. The chance to speak and say that I’m feeling better now. a.i.b

Surreal Life (writings)

I've been living in a world so unfair that it had taken a portion of happiness in my life. Even if they have been taken away and forgotten me I'm still hoping to fix everything to make those times comeback and be able return just like before. It pushes me to live longer to see and wait for that time to come. The reason why life's a continuing process, giving up can never be my slogan, I have to stand up. As I promised, I'll continue living to see them all succeed their dreams. It may not like the old times but I'll always be the one ready to help and say hold on to what's worth holding on. Hoping for reply, a hi of some sort. Silly and a fool I am to wait for something that’s never gonna happen. Though I expect these things, that look was too hard to give, a simple glance so impossible. Despite everything I'm still happy for what happen it taught me to cherish life at it's fullest and we can never dictate the possibilities alike. True happiness start with a small simple smile in our heart, realizing it can bring contentment inside and laughter outside. People come and go at their own will, whether we like it or not we have to endure the pain for our loved ones that have left us. All of this maybe foolish enough to call us martyr for endlessly hoping for a better result. a.i.b

Snowflakes Santa.....

Took me 2 weeks to finally wrap up the finishing touches, done on the backside of a folder which I cut in half. I used Latex paints and chinese brush for this piece, another art charity, gift for someone special, divided into six which were made as cover for a pencil holder, luckily I made it just in time for christmas, about 3 am of the 25th. I never got enough sleep this days, if we're only given the power not to sleep. Merry Christmas everybody!!!!!!!!....still the six flakes of my life!..Xixi Ni...

A bit of fun at midnight

Just fun for a boring night, started it around 10 pm I’m planning to ink my whole arm but that would be impossible for me. Making my own arm as canvas was a bit fun actually it’s not real tattoo, I use ordinary sign pen for sketching and black pen marker for fills, reasons I can’t afford to lose my day job and tattoos are not allowed here if you’re looking for a job. It’s a simple design spend about an hour and a half for sketching and visualizing, another hour for filling, decided to fade black effect as it goes down because it look nice by just making it all black like those typical tattoo. Finishing touches were made.....It’s been 2 years since I last made body art on my own. Unfortunately the camera I used for photo was a mere 2.0 mp, so had to adjust add some lighting for a clear image, as you can see. I end up sleeping at "around 3 am in the morning; 20mins editing the image was made.a.i.b

Imaginary girl

Will I be okay? I think so, no time for drama. It made me think. Do I really need a girl to complete my day? I don’t intend on looking someone to replace her, but this person made me forget all the pain and sadness by just thinking of her, she made me smile again. I feel great whenever she crossed into my mind, remembering her smile, her face. What a pity for me to fall in love to such an innocent girl, without any idea that I had these feelings for her. Unconditional love, I don’t have the courage to tell her what I feel, I never wanted to break our friendship just for my personal satisfaction. What if she’ll hate me? Of any girl I know why does it have to be her? She makes my day happy, she gives me the reason to live again and continue my life, dream big. She brought back the happiness in me, the sensation of loving a person, the will to try again. I want to live longer, see her smile again. Even if she’s not around it’s enough for me to remember her face. I can only dream of her beside me, lying on my shoulder watching the stars together. I want to hold her in my arms, watching over her as she reaches her dreams with me. But I can’t, I’m not afraid to be hurt again, the fear of losing her yet again. It was an accident to fall for her and it’s a secret that I have to keep. A perfect time, we may never know when. Will I cross the wall that separates me from her? Will I risk everything for love? What if I’m too late say everything to her? I’m afraid to lose her to others by just thinking of it breaks my heart but that’s what I get of loving her. Just to make her happy. I may not have the riches but if given the chance I’ll make her the happiest girl. I’ll always be your shadow forever. I hope you can see me.